Friday, July 31, 2015

Blog Hoppers: And now it's August

Joy-ful: feeling, expressing, or causing great pleasure and happiness....

We just moved. (I'm not sure if you've heard anything about it....but we did.)

It was a whole thing for us. We are not the moving type. Or the wait for stuff to happen type. Or the not exactly according to plan type.

So it was very hard and pushed us over the comfort cliff, way passed any resemblance of a comfort zone. Non-zoned territory. 

In the middle of it all, when I felt lost and out of control, I hunkered down and put all my feelers up to catch anything that may sneak passed. And I totally forgot to trust God with this move and the people I moved with...

So once I pulled my head out of the sand where I was wallowing in fear, anxiety, and loneliness...and covet-ness.... I found that He was still waiting for me to trust Him with the move AND the settling in. I trusted we were supposed to move here but totally forgot to trust Him once we got here. 

I don't know about you, but when I do it on my own I get all bitter and whiney and ungrateful. It's not pretty. The beginning of this summer was just not pretty. And the crying, oh the was just out of control. 

Once I remembered that I was going to trust God with ALL the people and the stuff and told Him "Okay, I'm here. I don't know why and I'm a little touchy, but you brought me here. I trust you have a reason and will sit and wait (even though I don't want to)...because I trust you have prepared a place for my family... Please show me the 'place'." 

I trust. Because that's all I got. I tried the other stuff...(remember the "not pretty" from above....)

Every morning this week I reminded Him I was trusting. (In case he forgot) Each day I looked for why we were here. 

And we made it to August. Looking back, the month of July was full of good family time, time with just me and handsome, new friends, a possible new church, volleyball, basketball, baseball, bowling, and cows.

So maybe I just needed to stop telling God why it wasn't right and it was messed up and how to fix it. And start each day with the words...I TRUST YOU.

I started using the first5 app from Proverbs 31 ministries and it has been excellent. Just what I need to start the day remembering to TRUST. I also recently listened to Lysa Terkeurst (president of Proverbs 31) talk about spending the first 15 minutes with God. 5 praying, 5 reading the bible, and 5 listening to worship music. The 5 minutes go by so fast and they are the best minutes of my day. There is something about good worship music that pulls me out of the funk.

This blog is called Joyfully full of it. Sometimes I lean heavily on the Joyful and a lot of times I lean heavily on the full of it... I'm working towards heavily full of Joy... That's easier to type than it is to grasp. But today I'm feeling the joyful...

I have teamed up with several beautiful women who blog about life and love and learning and listening.... click HERE to see what Jamie has to say and follow the links back to here.

Joyfully full of it.

Friday, July 10, 2015

How my investors save me

I have learned that I still handle stress and hurt the exact same way I did 20 years ago when I decided I was DONE being his good girl that just got trampled on. DONE. You know what I do? 

RUN from God!

I'm supposed to read my bible....nope! I put that down for 10 years. I'm supposed to go to church? Nope....stepped away from that for 10 years. I'm supposed to love others? Nope....that proves to be too painful. 

It explains why I switched schools 3 times during my 4 1/2 years in college. It explains why I never invested fully in any group of people. I can't do hard. I don't want to try. And I am certainly not going to cry or pray about it when I could RUN!

We closed today on our home of 13 years. The home I brought my babies home to. The Lewis Compound, where we were going to live forever! 

We expected it to happen June 8th...didn't. Then we were "guaranteed" by the lender it would be before the end of June. (That man made so many empty hurtful promises to everyone involved including the buyers.)

So now, it's July 10th. And we are driving to the closing. And I feel sick and angry and bristled. Being hurt is not cool. Learning life lessons is not cool. 

Through the long process some women have really invested in me and prayed for me and reached out. Which is exactly what I needed them to do, (but I was for dang sure not gonna ask.)

And I wasn't asking God anymore either. This pain was so similar to when my dad was dying and my family was falling apart. Just like then, I was tired of praying about it and making hard decisions to honor Him and put my family first when it all felt like every decision was slamming back in my face! I was ready to RUN. Bristled. Angry. Hurt. (And not feeling very nice). 

But I'm not gonna run this time. I'm not going to turn away from God and reject the people that are selfish and hurtful. I'm not going to stop reading my bible and seeking His truth and striving to honor Him when I feel like I can't get myself off the floor. 

You know why? Because of my soul sister and my Holla mommas. These women who didn't forget me or let me be alone. They reached out at odd (but perfect) times. They stayed the course when I was drying up on the inside. They KNEW how to love me when I don't want to be loved. They thought I was worth their investment of time and love and prayer. 

They are the hands and feet of Jesus. They carried me to his feet instead of letting me stay slumped against the wall. They carried me with prayers and encouragement and real friendship. 

I still feel a little broken and raw. 

But I'm not running this time. Thank you soul sister and Holla mommas for holding me up when I couldn't handle it anymore. You honor Jesus with your friendship. I am eternally grateful!!

Joyfully full of step at a time. 

My soul sister has beautiful words this month about her people. Jump over to her post about her village via the link below. 


Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Blog Hoppers: July and the Summer Blahs

July Blog Hoppers post..see the end of this post for the link to Jennifer's post this month. Hop around until you get back here. Be inspired, be tickled, and become a chef....all within this circle!

(Debbie Downer took over for the first part of this might want to skip down until you see the numbers......)

(Thought you would like to see that my people feel the same)

It's July. What the heck? A whole month has passed and all I have to show for it is a good tan.

Summer. Remember when we would sit around all day and eat cucumbers and ranch and chicken pot pies. And watch Anne of Green Gables.... No responsibilities, no baseball practice, no work.

I have friends that look forward to summer beginning in September every year. They can't wait for their babies to be home from school so they can enjoy being together and adventuring without school to cramp their schedule. And bless their hearts....they really mean it!

I'd love to be that excited about summer and all the possibilities that go with it.

BUT that's not what summer is to me.

Don't get me wrong. I mostly like my kids some days. (that's a's not that often......) But for us, summer is unscheduled and erratic. I still have to work. But instead of having a 2 hour commute by myself to listen to whatever I want on the radio, I have my two people with me. They are BIGS now so they have an opinion about what we listen to and where they sit. (Exhausting).

Of course we moved and my total commute is only 2 minutes...but I still don't get those two minutes alone.  They are always with me. Always talking/fighting/eating. (exhausting).

I still can't get us out the door before 9. It's like summer hits and I can't seem to get it together. Yesterday I sat in my book reading (because its summer and that's what you do) and then looked up and realized it was 8:58 and the children were not awake and ready to head out the door.

My body thinks that its summer and we can relax and chill and take or leave the responsibilities that sneak up on us.  My mind stresses out because I still have to work and take these people with me and feed them 3 times a day. (all the food...and snacking...)

Top it off with a move and you have the SUMMER BLAHS.

We've been here for almost a month. I haven't been back into Tyler. I feel good about how much I have saved this month on gas. But the alone-ness and too much together-ness is wearing me down. I miss my Friday with my Holla Mommas (and no children). I miss looking forward to picking them up from school to see what someone else fed them and how much they missed me.

It's July...just July. We have two more months of this "bliss" to get through.

So, I thought I'd share some non-Debbie Downer thoughts. I hope you aren't Summer Blah-ing...but if you are, chin are in good company.

1. Beth Moore has released a 6-week bible study that I'm going to tackle in a couple of week.
It's called LIVING FREE: Learning to Pray God's word. You can get a copy here. I feel like it may be just what I need to fight the summer Blahs.

2. Tyler Museum of Art is having a lego exhibit on Friday, July 10. If you have a lego-lover, I would suggest you take them to the air conditioned museum and feel very fancy and cultured. Learn more here.

3. Michael is playing in the state baseball tournament in New Caney in a couple of weeks. I don't know how that helps you with your summer blahs, but I thought it needed to be mentioned....

(He's the one on the right. The other one is cute too....just not Michael).

4. I read a fantastic book series last month....waiting for the last book to be released in September. Of course it's young adult fiction. (no s-e-x) And the subject matter is fantasy (magic, witches, fairies), which may turn some people off. But once again, I found myself up until after midnight reading and then again from 3-5 reading a couple of times while reading this series. The author is Sarah J. Maas. The series is Throne of Glass.

(My brother wasn't interested based on the cover...)

I read Kiera Cass' series The Elite last summer and stayed up hours being stuck in the kingdom with the main character. The Elite Series doesn't have magic stuff in it. Just a girl that gets to go to a castle to fall in love with a prince. 

5. I'm also reading Trim Healthy Mama. It's not a diet but an eating plan. I have enjoyed the writing and agreed with a lot of what they say (which is biblically based). It is a long book, so i'm not officially on the diet (but it's not a diet...) because I need to finish the book to get it all down. It seems to be more reasonable for getting my family on board. Nothing is completely cut out... except maybe alcohol.... I feel like after reading the "Biblical basis" chapter that there won't be a "But beer is okay" chapter. (I'll let you know if I find it when I finish the book..)

I hope you find time to read and love your people this month.

What books are on your "To Read" list for the summer??

Hop on over to Jennifer's blog here for some real peace and inspiration.

Joyfully full of it.