I cried yesterday. I don't cry. But all of the sudden I realized I'm moving, leaving, departing, separating, changing, and following God's new plan for my life. This includes leaving my beautiful friends and my lovely church family. It's painful. It's not cool. But it's necessary in order to stay on this unexpected path God has laid before my family.
However, I need you to know that it's not about me. It's something that is so easy to forget. And it sounds so vain, but it really just sneaks in and plants itself right in the middle of the mess and before you know it...I'm back to thinking it is about me. But it is not.
We are moving. Changing. *And hopefully growing.
I feel like we have been faithful to follow where God is leading. Even if we don't want to go. And we have prayed more about this than our first born child. (Sorry, don't be shocked... he showed up at the end of the decade long "Jesus Sabbatical"...)
Yesterday I was slapped hard. And punched in the gut. Not literally but the feelings equaled any physical punches I could experience.
It wasn't on purpose - (even if CRAZY was screaming how "unfair" and "mean" it was).
It was appropriate.
It was from the church (Gasp).
And it was the right thing to do.
No matter how I feel about how it was handled or communicated. It still turns out to be appropriate and what church leadership feels appropriate. Even if I feel it's not "right", if I am going to be a part of a faith community, I MUST respect the leadership and the decisions they prayerfully make.
I HAVE TO RESPECT THAT AND TRUST IT.
That's my role as a member of the community. To love God so much and trust who he has in authority and trust that they prayerfully consider every decision way more that I do especially when it's not about me.
Here's what I want to make sure to say... I WILL NOT ALLOW THE ENEMY TO USE MY HURT FEELINGS TO THWART THE WORK GOD HAS LAID BEFORE US.
He can't use our God-led change to mess up stuff and hurt feelings and make people question the church or its leaders or the awesome plans we have made. I won't allow it. I still have high expectations that He will show up and bless the work done.
IT's not about me. It's about God and the work the beautiful people of our church are doing to tell others about the love and saving power of Jesus Christ.
Because it is about HIM. Thankfully, it's all about HIM and what he has done for us.
Whew, I feel better now that it's not about me anymore.
Joyfully full of it.
**These pictures are from our Compassion tour. A beautiful gentle reminder that the world is bigger than what I can see and there is real hurt and pain going on in places I could never imagine. And not about me. 😊