Friday, February 13, 2015

Stupid Grown Up Stuff

I didn't go to many funerals going up. I only remember one, Michael Anthony's mom. And I remember I cried like I actually knew her but my grief was the unknown. I didn't how to be sad and how to be in the presence of such sadness and no sob. I also remember a girl named Robin had on a beautiful yellow dress. 

My dad died on October 12, 2011. It wasn't a surprise. He was sick for a long time. He was never the same after his stroke and I feel like I grieved the loss of him before he actually left. Which was just bizarre. (Thank goodness for a good therapist) 

Anyway, my friend lost her mom this week. It wasn't a long battle like we faced but that doesn't make it any easier or harder. I honestly don't know which is better. Our long time with dad was exhausting and painful and drug out forever. But in the end we could see God working and weaving through all the madness that consumed our world for what felt like forever. 

So what I want to say is that death and loss is tragic and terrible. It can be the oddest experience of your life. The problem is that is doesn't look the same for anyone. And everyone has an opinion on how well you are "handling it" or how you are handling it "too well". What does that even mean? 

Even my brother and sister faced it differently than I did. They are more private and reserved. I am the opposite. Talking helped me work it out. I think they cried more than i let people think I did. (But I'm super tough and so what do you expect). 

My point is that sad stuff doesn't make sense. Nothing equips us for loss. Whether it's the loss of a parent or a child. The loss of a spouse through divorce or just a really bad break up. It sucks. 

Sometimes being a grown up just sucks. I'm sorry. If I could fix it, I would. So for today, I'm sharing the text I sent my friend today. As I read back through (to make sure I didn't sound like an idiot) I was struck with the thought that this might apply to you for a completely different reason. And if I can take an opportunity to ease some pain that is sucking the life out of you, then I'm on it.

"I love you. Today will be crazy and surreal. It's okay to be tough. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be pissed off. It's okay to find joy today. No one grieves the same. It's different for every single person. And someone will think you aren't doing it right. At some point Hubs will think you may be going crazy. And you might be.... But one day you will realize that you are no longer counting the days... And then you will stop counting the weeks. And then you will blank on the date that you feel like was a "game changer". Tell Hubs when you need a hug or a goofy smile...every time you need it. Let him comfort you in that weird awkward way that men comfort their grieving (crazy) wives. And Every step cling to Jesus. Tell him you are mad, sad, okay, not okay. This week and day was not a surprise to him. And your beautiful mother has great peace that I pray you feel a touch of today."

May you be filled with Joy and Peace today...just because. 

Joyfully Full of It!

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